


Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

by LogicalBookThief



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Humor, M/M, Meeting the Parents, No Angst, slightly inspired by netflix's sex education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 02:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicalBookThief/pseuds/LogicalBookThief
Summary: A family medical emergency allows Nico to finally meet his boyfriend's mom. Levi is less than thrilled, although for reasons one might not expect...





	Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Show-Writers: Despite having no shame spiral, Levi is reluctant to introduce Nico to his mom and come out as gay because she's "sheltered" 
> 
> Me: I hear you, but also, what if - I make it better, more interesting, and funny

Another day at work, another day of racing towards the ambulance bay, ready to receive an incoming trauma. You would think after working at Grey-Sloan Memorial, Levi would start to expect it when normal days abruptly devolve into chaos, but it still manages to catch him off-guard. Hence why he is wholly unprepared for the ambulance doors to burst open, and for a small figure to rush out and immediately cling to his chest.

Of all people, it's Trish Feldman from temple, sputtering at him, "Levi! I'm _so_ sorry, we were at my house, and we had a few drinks, and she just, I don't know what–"

"Trish, hey! Calm down," Levi yelps, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her away enough to look into her frantic, tear-rimmed eyes. "Whatever it is, it's okay–"

In tandem to the gurney hitting the ground, it occurs to him  _why_ Trish would be at the hospital apologizing profusely, and then he sees the gurney's occupant. "Laney?" he shouts. 

 _"Levi,"_ she groans, scrambling for his sleeve. The grip of her fingers is borderline painful. "Get them to give me the good stuff, stat."

Panic overtakes everything else so that for a second, the details are fleeting, and he's just a doctor with a patient, young female presenting with abdominal pain. He reacts on instinct, pressing down on where he knows, if he's right, she'll shriek. 

"Fuck!" Laney sighs through gritted teeth. 

"Language," he reproves, automatically. His mind is focused elsewhere. "It's appendicitis."

"Get her to the OR," Hunt orders. Levi means to follow when Hunt stops him with a palm against his sternum.

"But she's my–" Levi strains his neck to follow the gurney with his gaze. "She's staying with– My mom's out of town, so technically, I guess I'm–"

"If you're family, we have to treat you like family," says Hunt, sternly. "I'm sorry, Schmitt. Just sit tight, we'll keep you informed."

He gives his back a bracing pat. Levi watches them rush towards the OR, feeling, for the first time in a while, totally useless. 

*

*

*

*

Sometimes Levi forgets how fast news travels in this hospital, as if everything from idle gossip to minor catastrophes gets broadcasted over the loud speaker.

He thinks maybe he _should_ be working right now, in an effort to keep busy and also keep his job, except it seems Taryn and Casey have somehow conspired to cover for him.  He was pacing and wringing his hands when Dahlia arrived, sat him in a chair, and gave him a cup of tea. She stayed with him for a while, offering the comfort of her warm chatter, until she was paged by Dr. Shepherd. 

Then it was Levi, alone with his racing thoughts. Yet almost like clockwork – were they taking shifts? – the clatter of footsteps forces his neck up from its slump, and he spots Nico, still in his surgeon cap, rushing to his side. 

"Hey," he says, out of breath. Levi expects him to claim a nearby chair. Instead Nico crouches down in front of him, catching his downcast gaze. "I heard your cousin was brought in. How is she?"

"No word yet," Levi mumbles. "Emergency appendectomy."

"Okay, that's good." Nico does a double-take. "Well. Not _great_. But it isn't some rare, incurable disease. For a hospital, it's practically _mundane_."

Levi can't stand it any longer and gives into the temptation of leaning forward so he can bury his nose in his boyfriend's collar. Strong arms wrap around his shoulders, tugging him in closer. "I know," Levi huffs, muffled against a broad chest. "I _know_. Thank you."

He sighs, scrubbing at his eyes, though they're already irritated and red. "It's the contacts," he complains, but Nico doesn't judge, gentle as he swats his hand away. Levi retaliates by refusing to let it go. Not that his boyfriend really minds. 

"I checked on her today, before I left for work. She seemed _fine,"_   Levi stresses the last bit, sort of bristling. "What good is being a doctor if I can't even see the signs?"

"Because you're a doctor, not a soothsayer," Nico scoffs, a touch sardonic, a touch firm like he is when he's a mentor. "Which is the only way you'd be able to foresee her appendix rupturing twelve hours ahead of time."

"Soothsayer?" Levi cracks a smile. "Oh, babe. You _do_ listen to my rambling."

Nico postures. "I may have been podcasting," he admits, and wow, that should not be as attractive as it is.

 _You're too good to be true_ , Levi bites his lower lip to keep from saying it aloud. To distract his wayward mouth, he removes the cap from Nico's head, smoothing our the messy bits of hair with his fingers. 

With Nico here, the wait is infinitely better, yet it still feels like forever until Hunt emerges, scanning the room for him and gracing Levi – a lowly intern – with a rare bout of softness. "Schmitt? She's alright, the surgery went fine. You can see her now."

His legs rise before his brain can catch up to the good news. Nico hovers uncertainly at his side, so he grasps his hand a little tighter and drags him along.

Laney's recovering in a bed, her eyes half-lidded when they land on her brother. "So here I thought I had really bad cramps today," she jokes, meekly. "Lucky me, I guess."

"Trish literally thought she killed you with her parents' cheap vodka." Levi is torn between hugging her and hugging the life out of her.  "And what were you _doing,_ drinking vodka mixers?"

"Hey, it's a Friday night. I was coping," she croaks. "Chandra died."

 _"What?"_ Nico gasps.

"Relax," Levi hastens to assure. "It's a character in their D&D game."

It is a testament to how long they had been dating that Nico's blank stare only lingers briefly. 

Laney scowls. "You told me Chandra would be able to get the Sacred Diadem if I found the secret caverns of the Ancient Coven."

 _"Only_ if you deactivate the Curse of Wesronos first." She frowns, and Levi rolls his eyes. "Did you listen to me and deactivate the curse, Elaine?"

"No," she mouths. Her eyes squint. "Are you going to tell Aunt Ira I was drinking?"

"Depends," he says, slowly. "Are you going to tell her about Halloween, 2008?"

She stares back at him and then nods, solemnly. The mutually assured destruction pact remains in tact.

"...I would actually like to know," Nico pipes up. Levi elbows him but it's too late, he's snagged Laney's attention. 

"Oh, so youuu must be the boyfriend." Levi shoots her a glare but she musters one right back. "What? This _is_ Nico, right? How many devastatingly handsome doctors can be at one hospital?"

"You'd be surprised," Nico snorts. He offers his hand, as if this is a member of the board and not a delinquent teenager Levi happens to be related to. "It's great to meet you, finally. Not under these circumstances, but, uh."

Bemused, Laney accepts the formal gesture. "He is way hotter than you described. Which is saying a lot, considering how braggy he's been," she says as an aside to Nico, who laughs, slightly bashful, tossing Levi a pleased look over his shoulder. 

 _"Elaine,"_ Levi mutters. 

"Sorry, it's the drugs." She drops her arm to the bed, watching it fall like deadweight. "How long until I can go home?"

There's a plaintive note to her voice that makes him melt a little, reminded that for all the snark, she's only seventeen. "Not until tomorrow, at the latest. Guess I'll make it an overnighter."

He doesn't have to spell out the _I can't leave her alone_. Nico understands. "You want company?" 

Levi smiles. "Nah, you go home. Your shift's ending–" He checks his watch. "–two hours ago. _Nico, why?_ "

"Making sure you were okay," he says, pressing a kiss to the furrows in Levi's brow. "That the _both_ of you were okay."

It's official, there is literally no sweeter person on planet earth. Levi will have to double-check, but he's fairly confident in that assessment. 

"Let me treat you to dinner at least," Nico insists. "Get you clean clothes from home. A shower, even."

He's decidedly not in the mood for what a shower usually entails, though he thinks that, given the proper motivation, he could very quickly be convinced otherwise. Just imagining the warm spray of water over his tense muscles, Nico spooned up behind him, that deep voice whispering–

"He means you stink," Laney interjects, effectively ruining that sexy train of thought. 

"Oh my God, shut up," he growls, though it's half-hearted. "I'll pick you up some clothes."

"Please." She throws him a weary thumbs-up. He runs a hand over her tangled curls, suddenly very grateful it wasn't worse. 

"By the way, Trish brought your backpack and left it for you."

"And?" Laney drawls. 

"Means you can get a head-start on your homework," says Levi, cheerfully. Her answering groan is the last thing her hears before they leave the room. 

"You know, you're kind of hot when you get all stern," Nico says, soft and impressed. He's leaned in close, tickling the shell of his ear with his breath. Levi shivers. 

"Hold that thought," he says, grabbing him by the scrubs and dragging them towards the exit. 

*

*

*

*

Two drive-thru burritos, a few hours and one _satisfying_ joint-shower later, Levi feels a little less overwhelmed. That is, until he goes to check on Laney and finds the interim chief seated comfortably at her bedside, bent over a calculus textbook.

"Dr. Karev?" he chokes, doing a double-take. "What, uh...?"

"Hi, Lev," Laney greets, jerking a thumb at Karev. "This doctor came to check on me, and, seeing my struggle, very kindly offered to help."

"Oh. That's nice of you, chief." Levi wrings his hands, glancing between the two nervously.  "But it's okay, you probably have more important, hospital business on your plate."

"No worries, _Lev,"_ Karev replies breezily. Levi flushes, but the chief doesn't even savor his reaction, too busy grimacing and mumbling, "I swear they changed this stuff since I was in school."

Levi takes advantage of his distraction and leans towards Laney. "Stop tricking the doctors into doing your homework," he hisses. "Especially the ones that are my boss."

"It's hard," she whines. It'd be more convincing if not for her smirk. 

Whatever, it isn't as though an annoying, cooped-up teenager is beyond his control. And as long as she's stuck in her recovery bed, she shouldn't be too much trouble. Levi enjoys these brief, beautiful seconds of confidence before the moment is interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

"Levi? Laney!" 

"Aunt Ira?" Laney cries. His stomach does a flip. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Denice is my friend on Facebook." Denice, who is Trish's mom. _Shit_. "Much to my surprise, she asked how Laney was doing, after her _surgery_."

Her tone is accusatory and almost entirely (unfairly) directed at Levi. "Now don't overreact," he says fervently, holding up his hands. "I had it under control, and she– We didn't want to interrupt your schedule this weekend!"

"Levi Aaron," she reprimands, sounding more put-upon than angry. "Book tour or no, you think I'd be anywhere else when Laney's in the hospital?"

"I'm _fine,"_ Laney groans, though it's tempered by the fact that with her aunt here she does feel more at ease. Levi wishes he could say the same.

"Book tour?" Karev repeats. The chief, who Levi completely forgot was in the room. "Wow, Mrs. Schmitt, that sounds – exciting."

Levi locks eyes with his pseudo-sister. They're blown wide with terror, all color drained from her face. He wonders if it would be too dramatic to call a code red. 

"Please, call me Ira," she insists. She offers Karev a hand, which he shakes. "It isn't as glamorous as Oprah would have you believe. But it is the best way to get the word out about my latest research."

Is this what a stroke is? It seems mighty similar to a stroke. No, what it feels like is he's watching a trainwreck in slow-motion, while tied to the railroad tracks. He knows what's coming, yet no matter how hard he struggles, he can't get free.

"Research, huh?" says Karev. "In the field of...?"

"No, no, no–" Levi chants under his breath. 

"Sex. I'm a sex and relationship therapist," Dr. Ira Schmitt replies.

As if she was sharing a fun piece of trivia and not irrevocably ruining her son's life. 

*

*

*

*

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Levi does have the distraction of work to prevent him from imploding on-site. However, Levi happens to work in the hospital where his mom has currently taken up residence, which makes the issue slightly hard to avoid.

Again, word in this hospital travels _fast_. He's gone to check on Laney twice now, only to turn on his heel at the sight of a doctor, nurse or intern he interacts with on a regular basis. Once he catches his mom in an animated discussion with _Jo_ , and _nope,_ that was way more insight than he ever wanted into the Karev's married life. 

At this point, she may as well be selling tickets and doing signings. Levi ignores it as best he can, even as he's mentally burying himself alive. The tipping point is when he catches Casey and Taryn giggling over a copy of his mother's book.

"Gimme that," he grunts, swiping it from her greedy claws. "Where did you even get this? Has the Amazon link gone around already?"

He flicks his gaze over to Casey, who shrugs innocently. 

"Carina leant me her copy," Taryn says, wickedly. "Apparently she's a fan."

"You are the physical manifestation of Satan," Levi deadpans, which only pleases her more. Since bad things always come in threes, that is of course when he spots his boyfriend. "Oh, fuck me."

Following his line of sight, Casey coughs. "Uh, I think that's _his_ job."

Taryn gives him a loving nudge in Nico's direction, because they are the worst best friends ever. Where's Dahlia when you need her? "Good luck, Schmitt."

Nico wanders over to him as they leave. "Hi."

"Hey," says Levi, shoving the copy behind his back. "Uh, it's just a book. I was studying."

"O-kay," drawls Nico, giving him a funny look. "Anyway, I was gonna check on Laney. How's she doing?"

"Fantastic. She's great. In fact, she's in good company, as we speak, so you don't-"

"Who?" he asks.

"Who?" Levi repeats, dumbly. "That would be, she is with my, um, my mother."

"Oh," says Nico, far too brightly. "She's back from her trip?"

"She is," Levi hedges, rocking back on his heels. "Yep."

It should be a crime for Nico to look so excited at the prospect. "I can't wait to meet her."

"Or!" Levi counters. "We could grab a late breakfast? An early lunch? Or – _sex_ , we could do sex again?"

Panicked as he is, it pains him to watch Nico's expression fall apart as the realization clicks. "You don't want me to meet your mom."

 _"Yes._ I mean, no!" Levi sweats. "Not for any of the reasons you're thinking, trust me."

Nico narrows his eyes, interrogating, "She knows you're dating someone, right?" 

"Of course she does!"

"But not that I'm a guy?" he presses.

"No, she knows that, too."

Frustration tinges the hard line of his brow. "Then what exactly is the problem, Levi?"

Levi hates being the reason for the note of hurt in his voice; Nico Kim should never be in doubt of anything regarding Levi's very real, very embarrassing feelings for him. "It isn't anything to do with you, okay? You are, like, too good to be true. I still think I slipped on blood splatter, died, and this is my synapses firing off one last, wet-dream hallucination," he rambles. "It's my mom, she, well-"

There are no words in the English language to adequately convey his mortification. Yiddish, maybe. So in a last ditch effort, Levi shoves the book at Nico and watches him frown at the cover, the journey from disgruntled to bewildered flit across his face. 

"Oh," he murmurs. _"Oh."_

"Don't open it unless you want to see a the anatomically correct illustrations," Levi warns. 

Nico squints. "So, you didn't want me to meet your mom because she's some kind of … sex therapist?"

"I didn't want you to meet her so she wouldn't immediately analyze my taste in men and then offer us tips for more harmonious orgasms!" Levi explodes. 

Rather than show him any of the sympathy he deserves, Nico bursts out in laughter. "You have to admit, that _is_ sort of hilarious," he chuckles, poking at Levi's mulish sneer.

"Only for you, whose mom is normal and  tries to send us copious amounts of dried fruit we don't want." He cringes, tactfully lowering his voice. "Not a mom who catches you masturbating, and instead of avoiding eye contact for a month and mutually vowing to never speak of it again, sits you down for a discussion about how a vibrator is _nothing to be ashamed of_ , Levi!"

Nico listens in amusement, until that last bit, when he blinks like he's been jolted. He swallows, dry-mouthed. "D-Do you still–"

"Finish that question and you'll never find out," says Levi, sharply. He droops with a sigh. "Ugh, this is so humiliating."

"To be fair, I mean," Nico offers, treading carefully. "She's right. And you weren't ashamed. Not ever."

"Yeah, I guess..." Levi exhales, resting his forehead on Nico's chest. "Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But she's _a lot_. I didn't need her scaring you away. I have enough trouble not doing that myself."

Nico cocks an eyebrow. "I'm not a flight risk," he says, firmly. "So you can stop with the self-deprecation."

Halfway to smiling, Levi chances a glance upwards. Looking at Nico always makes him feel unaccountably brave.

"Okay." He straightens with determination. "Okay, we'll go. Quick. Before I lose my nerve."

Nico grins victoriously. Like the gorgeous, naïve Adonis he is.

*

*

*

*

They walk into Laney's room with their fingers intertwined. She notices them first and tilts her bedframe up in anticipation. 

"Mom," Levi clears his throat. Ira turns, obviously surprised - and delighted - to see he's brought someone. "I'd like you to meet my boyfriend. Nico, this is Dr. Ira Schmitt."

 _Like_ is a strong word but it makes Nico beam as he did when he introduced Levi to his sister. If his mom manages to behave, this may go smoothly after all. 

"Ah, the famous Nico." Ira eyes him up and down, a slow-forming grin on her face. "It's wonderful to meet you at last. You're a very-"

Levi winces preemptively. 

"A very fit young man," she finishes, which... okay, he can work with that.

It isn't vanity, per se, but Nico does take pride in his physical fitness. "Thank you," he preens, throwing Levi a triumphant look. Just because _he_ would rather spend his mornings in bed than on a jog, thank you very much. 

"Why do you and Mom have the same taste in men?" Laney stage-whispers, causing Levi to reevulate every single life choice before this moment, including not trading her for Becky Tran's pencil box in fifth grade. 

"Is this why you've taken up yoga with Dahlia?" Ira asks Levi. He grimaces, but she's already addressing Nico, "I've told him, there's a study showing that couples yoga enhances the emotional intimacy of sex, and makes intercourse far less strenuous on the joints. He never seemed to inclined to listen until you two started seeing other."

"Mom." He makes a low, warbling keen. "I'm begging you, Mom."

"Wouldn't you say that regular exercise leaves your libido more energized, especially in a high-stress vocation that would otherwise impede intercourse?" she continues, as if waiting for Nico to weigh in.

Nico flounders, mouth hanging slightly ajar. 

"I'll go to temple," Levi mumbles. "Every Saturday that I have off, no matter how exhausted I am. Just please. Stop. Talking."

"Of course, that's only if you intend for your physical stamina to align," Ira remarks, that critical gaze flitting from her son to his partner. "Which, presumably, you would?"

"We, uh–" Nico looks at him helplessly. "I don't–"

"Babe," Levi whispers, frantically. 

One of their pagers goes off and it's music to his ears. 

"Mine! I've got to go," says Nico, relieved. He retreats with a fleeting, "Lovely meeting you, Ms- Dr. Schmitt!"

"He seems nice," Ira muses, entirely too pleased with herself. "A bit shy."

"Yeah. I'll miss him," Laney mourns.

"Don't worry, you'll see him at my funeral," Levi grumbles. Just as soon as he finds a corner to go and die in.

*

*

*

*

After dealing with his medical crisis, and making sure there was absolutely no other work he could be doing, a bewildered Link sent him on his way. Nico tentatively pokes his head into the room, on-alert. Laney motions him forward.

"Coast is clear, dude."

Nico nods. "Thanks. Not that I was avoiding-"

She snorts. "No offense taken. I'd avoid my in-law if I was you, too." 

"It isn't-" He clamps down on the impulse of unfailing politeness and lets loose a huge sigh. "Not exactly the first impression I had in mind."

"C'mon, you did alright," Laney says with a smirk. "You should see the family breakfasts if she brings someone home. Now _that's_ a show."

"See?" Nico emphasizes, loudly. Too loud, probably. But there's a bit of frustration built up and now is apparently the time it's chosen to come out. "That's what I mean! There's this whole family dynamic I don't know, that Levi keeps separate from _us_. He's already met my sisters _and_ my dad, and yet he... The less serious it all seems, from his end."

He didn't come here with the intention of oversharing to a teenager, but Laney takes it all in stride. 

"Uh, hey. Mr. Ortho God?" she says with a rare note of seriousness. "I would _not_ worry if I were you. Lev hasn't had this many hearts in his eyes since he watched Lord of the Rings, post-puberty. And you may not be Faramir, circa 2003, but trust me when I say he's head over heels."

Nico quirks his lips. "You can drop the mister. Just call me Ortho God."

Laney laughs. "Did you drop by just to unload all your relationship woes, or like, check my vitals?"

"Wanted to see how you were," Nico admits. "Figured I'd let Levi cool off. He was... Frazzled."

"He does that," she agrees. "Well, if you wait here, you'll probably catch him when _he_ comes to complain. Speaking of, someone should tell the chief he ought to work on his derivatives. I had to redo most of these."

Nico will most certainly _not_ be the one to tell the chief his math skills are lacking, but he will be happy to pass the message along to the other Dr. Karev, who will tease her husband mercilessly.

"In the meantime, you can hang and listen to some podcasts, if you want. What's your poison?"

"Sawbones is pretty cool," he suggests, and her eyes light up. 

"You know, for a bone doctor, you're pretty cool," Laney remarks, whatever that means. It sounds approving. "If you wanted to partake in our breakfast rituals, it'd be fine by me."

"Thanks," he says, oddly touched. 

"But if I have to hear you guys have sex, I _will_ call child protective services," she warns.

She doesn't sound like she's kidding, so Nico nods. "Okay, uh. Deal."

*

*

*

*

When Levi was a kid, his mom stressed the count to ten rule. If you were angry, count to ten. If you were upset, count to ten. Only once they were both in a state of calm would they attempt communication. 

Levi hits the count of forty before he decides enough is enough. With the fuel of too many coffees and Taryn's wheedling, he tracks his mother down in the cafeteria. Of course, she's engrossed in a conversation with Dr. Altman. 

"The notion that you need a masculine figure to complete the family unit is outdated and based solely on patriarchal values. As a single mother, I've never been less than anything but fulfilled with the life I lead. Nor has my sexuality been limited by my being a mother."

She spots Levi over the attending's shoulder and beckons him over. Altman has this rejuvenated smile on her face as she excuses herself, acknowledging him with a brisk nod.

"Mom, I appreciate you trying to counsel the staff," Levi concedes, faltering at his mom's glow of pride. "But could you please, uh. Desist?"

"I don't know what you mean," says Ira, and to her credit, she looks genuinely perplexed.

"Just, this is where I work." Levi gestures around the cafeteria. "And I'd prefer my coworkers – many of whom I work _for_ – didn't have this mental link to me and a renowned sex therapist?"

"Levi, there's no reason to be embarrassed," she clucks her tongue, eyes dancing as she leans forward. "Honestly, it's not a taboo subject here. If you haven't noticed, this hospital seems to be a hot-bed for romantic entanglements of varying degrees."

"Of course I've noticed! I'm _in_ one of them," Levi exclaims in a whisper. "Except nobody else has their mother acting like she's been hired as the on-staff sex guru!"

"They could do with one of those, if you ask me."

"I didn't!" Levi fights to keep his voice low and level. "Do you realize how hard I've worked just to shake the labels I put on myself? Now I've got to contend with your influence, too."

His mother looks shifty. "Is this about the chapter on late-blooming sexualities?"

"Wha– No! There's a–? You know what, never mind!" Levi buries his face in his hands, muffling his groan. "All I'm asking is that you not counsel my coworkers at the hospital and you _not_ analyze my relationship in front of my boyfriend! And I'm asking you that because I'm your _son_ and this is my _life_ , not a research project."

He doesn't wait for a response, stomping off towards the only place he knows she won't be. 

*

*

*

*

All the complaints he was ready to unload on Laney shrivel up as he walks into her room and discovers her bent over her phone, with Nico no less, the two of them practically giggling. 

"Oh, no." Levi blinks, numbly. "You've allied with each other."

"Geez, dramatic." Laney rolls her eyes. "I only showed him, like, a dozen childhood photos."

Nico jumps up to greet him, yet his smile does nothing to dissuade Levi that he's seen a bunch of pictures. 

"I thought I'd keep her company awhile," he explains, settling his hands on Levi's hips. "You, ah, feeling any better?"

"Less mid-aneurysm, yeah." Levi reaches up to thread his fingers through the hair at the back of Nico's neck, reveling in his almost inaudible hum he receives. "I'm sorry if I was–"

"Frazzled?" Laney and Nico reply in unison. God, they truly _have_ aligned.

"I get it," he says, looking sheepish all of sudden. "Sorry I, uh. Choked up back there."

"Performance anxiety is more common in young men than what they'd have you believe. I wouldn't worry."

Both of them startle as Ira enters the room, appearing a mite sheepish herself. If Levi's nose isn't deceiving him, she's carrying two bags from Schwarz's deli. 

"This hospital has terrible food. I don't know how you stand it," she huffs. 

"After drilling into bone tissue all day, you'd be surprised what your palate can handle," says Nico, wryly. 

"Fair enough," Ira laughs. "Still. I figured we could use something a bit more tasteful. My way of making amends."

Levi slumps, the apology sapping at his ire. Nico stands to make room for him mom by the bed, but she grabs him by the lapel. 

"Nico, I was hoping you could join us," she says in earnest. "I know it isn't your conventional family dinner – but, well. We're not exactly a conventional family."

"I'd like that a lot," Nico beams.

Glancing at Laney, Levi and her shrug. It's hard to argue with "unconventional," doctorate or no. Luckily, he has a boyfriend who doesn't seem to mind. 

*

*

*

*

_"Whoa."_

It's all Levi can manage to breathe as they stretch apart, sweat-slick and sated. 

"Good?" Nico chuckles, which is. Modest of him, considering that Levi can't quite feel his legs yet. 

 _"Very_ much," Levi pants, still totally blissed out. He shuts his eyes with a hum, drinking in the afterglow. "What'd you do, watch a YouTube tutorial?"

"Just something I read," Nico replies, the grin evident in his voice. He noses along Levi's neck, sucking at the skin until he reaches his ear, which he kisses before whispering, "In your mom's book."

Levi's eyes snap open. "You realize, now," he mutters, rolling onto his side, away from his boyfriend's shit-eating grin, the most he can do when it feels like his limbs have been reduced to putty. "That we can never have sex again."

Nico rolls with him, plastering his chest against Levi's back. "I'm calling that bluff," he snorts, mouthing the sensitive spot on his jaw, and Levi grudgingly concedes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I am not a sexpert, so all the study/research stuff is mostly made-up on my part and should not be taken seriously lol. 
> 
> Also, shout out to @glassesandkim and others for doing God's work over on tumblr and speculating on the Kim family, some of whose golden headcanons/fic are briefly mentioned or referenced here.
> 
> If you liked, please let me know down below!


End file.
